Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be single; especially being a Christian Single, and the fact that I am a woman over 50. Well, THAT, narrows the odds considerably, in the "dating pool."
In all actuality, I have to admit that sometimes I am lonely, that I would like to be taken out to a movie or dinner, or just have the joy of receiving a bouquet of flowers or a sweet card; but then I look at the scripture and read the words of the Apostle Paul: "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."
Philippians 4:11
Immediately I am convicted; why? First of all because I know where having thoughts like that can take me, and I do not want to have a pity party of one. I realize that even though, yes someday, I would like to meet a nice Christian gentleman, I have to be careful not to make that my main focus.
You see, I also realize how easily it would be for the enemy to take those simple, normal desires and spin them out of control, and get my mind completely off focusing on God and onto a desperate search for an earthly relationship. I know this because I've been there my friends, and saw how easy it was to slip into that mindset. Remember in the Bible where Jesus called Peter out of the boat, and asked Peter to walk out onto the water to him? As long as Peter kept his eyes fixed on Jesus, he was walking on the water, despite the storm and winds raging all around him! However, immediately the moment that Peter took his eyes off Jesus, he began to sink.
I don't want to be like Peter in that respect. I recently set up profiles on some dating sites, and even paid for a month's subscription for one. Wow! What an eyeopener that was for me. First of all, it prompted me to write my previous posts about "Plenty of Fish in The Sea," and secondly, it made me realize how easy it was to lose my focus, to get "caught up" in the excitement of checking my email each day to see if I had a "wink" or a message from someone. It wasted a lot of my time, especially when the two men I eventually responded to, turned out to be not what they said they were. In fact, one was pretending to live in my city, when he was actually living thousands of miles away in another state, and everything he said to me was a lie. I believed it for a short time, but then when "red flags" showing up and I caught him in his lies and confronted him, I thought, gees, I've really been duped!
I haven't taken my profiles down from all the sites yet, ( I probably don't even remember my profile names and passwords) however, I blocked all emails from coming to my inbox, so that I would not be tempted to even go there again. Now just for the record, I have to admit that I have several friends who actually have found love on dating sites, but I have also heard numerous disaster stories as well. I have just chosen that at this time, I won't waste my time and energy going there.
I've decided that if God wants me to be in a Godly relationship with someone, that HE (God) will make it happen for me. Yeah, I know; some people think that is a totally crazy idea, as if God would literally bring somebody to my doorstep! However, I am in a place where I am choosing my focus to be totally on God, and that I am trusting him to decide if I should be in a relationship with someone. I am also reminded of these scriptures and God's promises to me.
Luke 12:31 "But rather seek ye the kingdom of God: and all these things shall be added unto you."
Psalms 37:4-5 "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him, and he shall bring it to pass."
I am simply believing and trusting that if I put God first and foremost in my life, then he will take care of my personal needs and the desires of my heart. He created me; he knows me inside and out, and ultimately he knows what's best for me. Just like one of my favorite old hymns; "His Eye is On The Sparrow," if God's eye is on each and every sparrow, how much more is his eye on me, his daughter.
On a lighter note, maybe I should change the title of my blog, because, I am in reality, not losing sleep over being single; I rest in the peace that God is in total control of my life; even in my being single. :)
Showing posts with label Single. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Single. Show all posts
Monday, February 25, 2013
Friday, December 7, 2012
Plenty Of Fish In The Sea; Part Three
Dear Readers;
I hope you have been following my three part series on "Plenty Of Fish In The Sea." If not, you can simply scroll down to view parts one and two. My initial post starting this blog, will be in the archives, listed in November.
As I mentioned in part one, as a young girl, I use to go fishing quite often with my dad, and then as an adult, I took my daughters fishing as well. I remember that there use to be a product that you would spray on the bait (whatever you were using) that would act as an enticement to attract the fish. I thought this was like some "miracle invention." LOL! As I was recently recalling this product in my mind, I started comparing it to what men and women use today in the dating world to "entice" or attract the opposite sex. This post may seem humorous, however, we all need to be very cautious and careful dating these days. I know that there are still plenty of fish in the sea; good people that are available to date; however, we also need to be on guard and take note of what type of bait they are using, (or the bait that we are using ourselves) before we get "reeled in" hook, line and sinker. Pun intended.
Men use various means (types of bait) to get a woman's attention. Probably, the most common is flattery. Yes, I admit, this is a weak area in my heart and I am sure in many women as well. We want to be complimented, we want to feel beautiful and attractive, we want to feel desirable. There is nothing wrong with our feeling this way, however, we first as women need to understand that our most highest worth and value should come from knowing how God loves, values, and sees us. We should look to HIM FIRST for our value, and realize that God loves us unconditionally, without exception, and that we matter to HIM, regardless of our dress size, our outer beauty, our personality, or anything else.
Be cautious when a man immediately uses various words of endearment, or heaps tons of compliments upon you when you do not even know each other yet. This is their enticement they are using on you, to reel you in. Maybe their motives are sincere, but a true man of integrity will take the time to get to know you, before they start calling you dearest, babe, beautiful, darling and so forth and so on. they may also be the "touchy feely" type; they cant wait to touch you, to hold your hand, or put their arm around you, or hug you. Be wary of this and how this makes you feel around them. ( you may be so needy and desperate that you forget about the red flags popping up in your mind, because you are desiring the attention) If you begin to feel uncomfortable by their actions, stand up for yourself, & set a verbal and physical boundary. If the man is sincere, he will honor your boundaries, and be willing to back off and show respect to you. Men will often times be quick bearers of gifts; jewelry, clothes, perfume, or talk about taking trips with you to somewhere grand. keep your eyes wise open, and remember, many times there is an ulterior motive behind the gift. Often, it is just a prelude to get you into bed with them. Yep, I said it! Now again, I know that not every man is like this, but believe me, there are many that are. Watch out for the "red flags" and when you see them, don't think that it is a parade or circus, and run right to it; but get away as quick as you can!
Now, for something quick and humorous I have recently noticed. Ladies, if you go on the dating sites, just look at the men's profile names. Sometimes it is scary to think that any woman would respond to a man whose profile name is "Thumper." Get real, are we THAT stupid? And, what is the deal with one out of five profile pictures shows a Harley? Jeez, if we were in the market for a Harley, well, I think that we would be down at the local Harley Davidson dealership!
OK, now for the women: what type of bait are women using to reel a man in?
I am sure that we too, are guilty of using flattery as well. Do we drop remarks about how they are built, or the car they drive, or how good looking they are? Do we wear low cut, or much too revealing clothing, make touchy feely actions? Do we hug them, hang all over them, and want to cuddle up next to them, and then when they make an inappropriate gesture, we get flustered? Well, if we do any of the last few actions, we are asking for trouble with a capital "T." Men are men. They look, they have feelings, & emotions, and if we deliberately entice them using our bodies as "bait" then what should we expect out of them? Get real ladies! Don't be a tease and not expect to get taken advantage of. If women do that to men, then they are sending them mixed signals. It's no wonder men are confused when women are doing their little dances of enticement around them, and then get angry if they take it the wrong way. Women clean your acts up. Keep your "girls" under wraps! When a woman comes on to a man this way, she is asking for that man to view her as an object, and he will begin treating her as one, as well. Ladies, be Godly women! Don't be so desperate and needy! Don't use your bodies as bait, because if you do, you are on a slippery road that will lead to a pregnancy out of wedlock. Don't think for one moment that by getting pregnant, that you will reel a man in. The final "bait" women use as enticement is the "I want to take care of you" bait. (sometimes also used by men as well) Many women are nurturers by habit. We long to have someone to "take care of," so we may cook for them, coddle them, and mother them; these can all become types of bait, and enticement, that we use to lure them into a commitment. However, the more we do, the further they get from us, unless they are one of those men who are looking for a "mother" and a "purse," in which case run, and run fast. Women were made to raise children not grown men who are lazy and simply want an easy way out. Beware of men like these, they will use you until you are totally used up, and them drop you for the next one they can find to "mother" them.
So, if you are reading this post today, do you recognize yourself in any of the above scenarios? Please be cautious in how you approach dating in the world today. Know that although there are still real men and women in the dating scene, there are also those who have a hidden motives, behind the flattery. Keep your eyes wide ope, and look for red flags; remember when you see them; it's not a parade or circus.
Until next time, I remain;
Sleepless in South Carolina
I hope you have been following my three part series on "Plenty Of Fish In The Sea." If not, you can simply scroll down to view parts one and two. My initial post starting this blog, will be in the archives, listed in November.
As I mentioned in part one, as a young girl, I use to go fishing quite often with my dad, and then as an adult, I took my daughters fishing as well. I remember that there use to be a product that you would spray on the bait (whatever you were using) that would act as an enticement to attract the fish. I thought this was like some "miracle invention." LOL! As I was recently recalling this product in my mind, I started comparing it to what men and women use today in the dating world to "entice" or attract the opposite sex. This post may seem humorous, however, we all need to be very cautious and careful dating these days. I know that there are still plenty of fish in the sea; good people that are available to date; however, we also need to be on guard and take note of what type of bait they are using, (or the bait that we are using ourselves) before we get "reeled in" hook, line and sinker. Pun intended.
Men use various means (types of bait) to get a woman's attention. Probably, the most common is flattery. Yes, I admit, this is a weak area in my heart and I am sure in many women as well. We want to be complimented, we want to feel beautiful and attractive, we want to feel desirable. There is nothing wrong with our feeling this way, however, we first as women need to understand that our most highest worth and value should come from knowing how God loves, values, and sees us. We should look to HIM FIRST for our value, and realize that God loves us unconditionally, without exception, and that we matter to HIM, regardless of our dress size, our outer beauty, our personality, or anything else.
Be cautious when a man immediately uses various words of endearment, or heaps tons of compliments upon you when you do not even know each other yet. This is their enticement they are using on you, to reel you in. Maybe their motives are sincere, but a true man of integrity will take the time to get to know you, before they start calling you dearest, babe, beautiful, darling and so forth and so on. they may also be the "touchy feely" type; they cant wait to touch you, to hold your hand, or put their arm around you, or hug you. Be wary of this and how this makes you feel around them. ( you may be so needy and desperate that you forget about the red flags popping up in your mind, because you are desiring the attention) If you begin to feel uncomfortable by their actions, stand up for yourself, & set a verbal and physical boundary. If the man is sincere, he will honor your boundaries, and be willing to back off and show respect to you. Men will often times be quick bearers of gifts; jewelry, clothes, perfume, or talk about taking trips with you to somewhere grand. keep your eyes wise open, and remember, many times there is an ulterior motive behind the gift. Often, it is just a prelude to get you into bed with them. Yep, I said it! Now again, I know that not every man is like this, but believe me, there are many that are. Watch out for the "red flags" and when you see them, don't think that it is a parade or circus, and run right to it; but get away as quick as you can!
Now, for something quick and humorous I have recently noticed. Ladies, if you go on the dating sites, just look at the men's profile names. Sometimes it is scary to think that any woman would respond to a man whose profile name is "Thumper." Get real, are we THAT stupid? And, what is the deal with one out of five profile pictures shows a Harley? Jeez, if we were in the market for a Harley, well, I think that we would be down at the local Harley Davidson dealership!
OK, now for the women: what type of bait are women using to reel a man in?
I am sure that we too, are guilty of using flattery as well. Do we drop remarks about how they are built, or the car they drive, or how good looking they are? Do we wear low cut, or much too revealing clothing, make touchy feely actions? Do we hug them, hang all over them, and want to cuddle up next to them, and then when they make an inappropriate gesture, we get flustered? Well, if we do any of the last few actions, we are asking for trouble with a capital "T." Men are men. They look, they have feelings, & emotions, and if we deliberately entice them using our bodies as "bait" then what should we expect out of them? Get real ladies! Don't be a tease and not expect to get taken advantage of. If women do that to men, then they are sending them mixed signals. It's no wonder men are confused when women are doing their little dances of enticement around them, and then get angry if they take it the wrong way. Women clean your acts up. Keep your "girls" under wraps! When a woman comes on to a man this way, she is asking for that man to view her as an object, and he will begin treating her as one, as well. Ladies, be Godly women! Don't be so desperate and needy! Don't use your bodies as bait, because if you do, you are on a slippery road that will lead to a pregnancy out of wedlock. Don't think for one moment that by getting pregnant, that you will reel a man in. The final "bait" women use as enticement is the "I want to take care of you" bait. (sometimes also used by men as well) Many women are nurturers by habit. We long to have someone to "take care of," so we may cook for them, coddle them, and mother them; these can all become types of bait, and enticement, that we use to lure them into a commitment. However, the more we do, the further they get from us, unless they are one of those men who are looking for a "mother" and a "purse," in which case run, and run fast. Women were made to raise children not grown men who are lazy and simply want an easy way out. Beware of men like these, they will use you until you are totally used up, and them drop you for the next one they can find to "mother" them.
So, if you are reading this post today, do you recognize yourself in any of the above scenarios? Please be cautious in how you approach dating in the world today. Know that although there are still real men and women in the dating scene, there are also those who have a hidden motives, behind the flattery. Keep your eyes wide ope, and look for red flags; remember when you see them; it's not a parade or circus.
Until next time, I remain;
Sleepless in South Carolina
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Single, Again......
Welcome to my first post at Sleepless in South Carolina:
Being a single woman today is not easy by no respect; add to that I am a woman in her fifties, a devout Christian, curvy, who does not want to be any body's mother (or purse) and that complicates the situation even further.
I could write a song, based on the old tune, "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" and re title it: "Where Have All The Good Men Gone?" LOL! Seriously, for all those single women today who are looking for just ONE good man, well, the pickings seem slim to none. Either they live a gazillion miles away, or they don't even exist.
Now just to make an instant clarification: this blog is not intended to bash men. But facts are facts. I am just calling it as I see it it. What I hope to do with this blog is to encourage my single friends that there is hope, even if we don't see or feel it right now. I want to give you a reason to smile and laugh now and then, and to realize that there are many of us out there in the same position. We are not desperate: we are choosy and have earned the right to be so. We have been hurt, wounded, manipulated and some even emotionally ( or even physically, thankfully, I was not) abused.
But please let me reiterate for the record: ALL MEN ARE NOT LIKE THAT. That, my dear readers is my disclaimer; so if any men do happen to casually be reading this, I am giving the good ones credit where credit is due. I just don't know where there you are!
So, to set the record straight; I know what my problem has been. I will be brutally honest with you. I have a "broken picker." I don't choose wisely. I get impatient, I get desperate, Yep. Because Of my codependency, I ignore ALL the red flags that I see, because I, in my stupidity, think I can fix them (NOT happening) or save them from "whatever," or the best one of all, drum roll please; I stupidly think that I can love them enough to change them OR they will love Me enough to change for me. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!
OK, that's probably enough for my first post. Hang with me though, there is much more to come. Please feel free to post your thoughts and comments, be good and clean, no profanity please, and no bashing. Love to all of you on this journey.
Until next time, I remain;
Sleepless In South Carolina
Being a single woman today is not easy by no respect; add to that I am a woman in her fifties, a devout Christian, curvy, who does not want to be any body's mother (or purse) and that complicates the situation even further.
I could write a song, based on the old tune, "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" and re title it: "Where Have All The Good Men Gone?" LOL! Seriously, for all those single women today who are looking for just ONE good man, well, the pickings seem slim to none. Either they live a gazillion miles away, or they don't even exist.
Now just to make an instant clarification: this blog is not intended to bash men. But facts are facts. I am just calling it as I see it it. What I hope to do with this blog is to encourage my single friends that there is hope, even if we don't see or feel it right now. I want to give you a reason to smile and laugh now and then, and to realize that there are many of us out there in the same position. We are not desperate: we are choosy and have earned the right to be so. We have been hurt, wounded, manipulated and some even emotionally ( or even physically, thankfully, I was not) abused.
But please let me reiterate for the record: ALL MEN ARE NOT LIKE THAT. That, my dear readers is my disclaimer; so if any men do happen to casually be reading this, I am giving the good ones credit where credit is due. I just don't know where there you are!
So, to set the record straight; I know what my problem has been. I will be brutally honest with you. I have a "broken picker." I don't choose wisely. I get impatient, I get desperate, Yep. Because Of my codependency, I ignore ALL the red flags that I see, because I, in my stupidity, think I can fix them (NOT happening) or save them from "whatever," or the best one of all, drum roll please; I stupidly think that I can love them enough to change them OR they will love Me enough to change for me. STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!
OK, that's probably enough for my first post. Hang with me though, there is much more to come. Please feel free to post your thoughts and comments, be good and clean, no profanity please, and no bashing. Love to all of you on this journey.
Until next time, I remain;
Sleepless In South Carolina
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